I am 75 years old and life is not a bowl of cherries. Now that I got that out of the way I will tell you something else.
Life has given me challenges. Hoopla.
Because of my lack of attention and awareness of this continual process, it keeps coming back without pre-warning me that something big is about to happen. The bomb drops, kerplunk, exploding with fanfare, and then leaving me to deal with the mess. A reward, which I like to call a Blessing, usually waits for me at the other end. It’s always there; ready to embrace me when I arrive. Arriving at what, where? I think: ‘that this has got to finally be, it has to be’, the finish line. Ah, the great illusion!
By the time I was 23, lying still on my death bed, due to a car accident and a fractured neck, I fooled them all, walked again, gave birth to two children, became a registered Yoga Teacher/Holistic Health Counselor/Educator, practicing and living what I taught. For 20 years my life was blessed by amazing people who trusted me, through teaching, counseling, and volunteering. The professions in which I had been certified and registered opened a door for me, helping me open my heart to strangers and anyone who came my way for assistance. Being there for those in need was a treasured gift given to me. Blessings come to us in different ways, forms and disguise. This was a high time in my spiritual life.
Moving forward…Another bomb dropped a blessing in disguise, one that left me alone on my knees for 2 years. (Question to myself: why does it have to be disguised? why can’t it be understood just as it is when it comes?) Diagnosed with ovarian cancer, poisoned with chemotherapy for a whole year, chemo was literally killing me; I had lost all hope to live. After all the good habits and lifestyle I had adopted through the years, to have this happening, I felt total abandonment. Life had given up on me, God had left me alone, and I had no more purpose.
Chemo permanently damaged my heart and my bowel. I swore like a lumberjack before accepting this. I had to leave behind all of my teaching, private clients, my business, all of which was a big part of my life. Doctors had given me one month to live without chemo, three to six months with chemo. Even though all cancer could not be removed with surgery, there was hope that chemo would fry the rest. By this time, my body was tired, my heart was exhausted, and my spirit was fading into darkness.
Within 2 years I climbed back up from the bottom of my dungeon. I began the search for myself. Coming slowly from the depths of despair, it was a slow ascent to reach the Light.
Fast forward into my 70’s… I was then taking care of my husband with dementia. After three years of sleepless nights and around the clock caregiving, my health was going down the pipes. Despite all my efforts to keep him at home, I had to let him go into a nursing home. The grief of such a separation I still feel to this day. My heart continues to heal through sadness. There’s a rejuvenating energy that returns after you have been zapped to hell and back. Today I know that all pain and life’s challenges have a purpose.
Being in touch with a higher command, communion with Spirit, feeling the Presence coursing through my life, my veins, my deepest core, it is the reward that comes to soothe all pain. It comes with a promise that all is as it is.
Life’s lessons are forever there. They whisper ever so gently.
I know too well that my Human Spirit, needed mending with my everlasting Inner Spirit, this quest continues.
My life is rich, I am grateful for everything that made me stop, pay attention, letting me know I am being taken care of…’cept I don’t always know it at the time.